Overcoming Anxiety and Low Self-Esteem: Breaking Free from Self-Defeating Narratives

Haunted by the Ghosts of Ourselves

This time of year tends to make me introspective. It must be a January thing - ruminating, mulling over the small stuff, the past, the traffic - the way your key has a habit of going through it’s own keyring - the small things. So this is where I get a little poetic.

Little thoughts can be quite nice, sometimes. But what about when we build up full stories?

We’ve all heard the phrase “haunted by the ghosts of our past,” but what if the ghosts aren’t other people or events? What if they’re our own thoughts—the narratives we’ve created, the self-limiting beliefs we’ve nurtured, and the stories we’ve convinced ourselves define us? These internal ghosts can be just as powerful as external ones, shaping how we view ourselves and the world.

We are often haunted not by the past, but by the stories we tell ourselves.

For many of us, these narratives emerge quietly over time, often in response to difficult experiences, anxiety, or low self-esteem. They become part of the inner dialogue we carry day to day.

“I’m bad at relationships.”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why am I like this?”

These statements, repeated often enough, solidify into beliefs that feel unshakable. And yet, as haunting as they may seem, these ghosts don’t have to haunt us all the time. Every day offers an opportunity to rewrite the script.

How Low Self-Esteem Creates a Trap of False Realities

False realities can feel oddly comforting. They shield us from the vulnerability of trying and failing. If we tell ourselves we’re destined to fail at relationships, for example, we might avoid the pain of putting ourselves out there, only to be rejected. Similarly, if we believe we’re incapable of success in a certain area, we don’t have to risk the discomfort of growth. But this comfort comes at a cost: it keeps us stuck, perpetuating the very issues we fear most.

These self-limiting beliefs often stem from deeper issues like anxiety or low self-esteem. For instance, a fear of rejection may mask a deep-seated belief that we’re not worthy of love. Relationship problems might arise not because of who we inherently are, but because of the stories we’ve internalized about what we deserve or what’s possible for us.

A Fresh Start

The idea of waking up to each day as a blank slate may sound cliché, but it holds a powerful truth. Each new day is an opportunity to challenge and debunk the narratives that have kept us stuck. The belief that you can’t change is just that—a belief, not a fact. While change isn’t easy, it’s always possible.

Start small. Pay attention to the thoughts you’re feeding yourself.

• When you catch yourself thinking, “I can’t do this,” pause and reframe it.

• Ask yourself: Is this thought rooted in fact, or is it a story I’ve been telling myself? Challenge it.

Replace it with something kinder, even if it feels unnatural at first. For example, “I’m struggling with this now, but I can learn and improve over time.”

Seeking Support and Moving Forward

You don’t have to tackle these ghosts alone. Therapy offers a valuable space to explore the origins of self-limiting beliefs and develop strategies to overcome them. Many people seek counselling for anxiety, low self-esteem, or relationship problems, only to discover that the root of their struggles lies in the narratives they’ve internalized over time.

Working with a counsellor can help you untangle these stories, gain insight into why they exist, and begin building new, empowering beliefs. With time and effort, you can start to see yourself not as someone haunted by the past but as someone capable of growth, change, and resilience.

Breaking free from self-defeating narratives is not an overnight process, but it begins with awareness and intention. The ghosts of your past are not your destiny. Each day is an opportunity to rewrite your story, challenge beliefs that no longer serve you, and embrace the possibilities that come with a fresh start. Therapy can be a safe and supportive space to begin this journey, helping you step into a future defined by hope and personal empowerment.