Why Men’s Mental Health Matters: Counselling for Men

Men & Counselling

Whenever I get to ruminating on a particular subject of therapy – maybe it’s what to write about next, or something I may be encountering with a client for the first time – the universe has this weird way of showing me lots of little signs to continue down a particular path.

For example, whether it’s just clever social media algorithms or not – men’s mental health has been a message coming at me a lot. From reels on Instagram, to discussions that crop up organically with others – even the membership magazine I get from the BACP, which this month has as their front page “Men & Therapy,” – the world has been nudging me towards thinking about this subject.

Men & Friendship

Studies show some men can achieve their goals as part of a supportive group.

Why Men Avoid Therapy: Breaking the Stigma

So here I am, a man, finally sitting down to put thoughts to the page. I’ll start with the “that’s weird,” moment, when the spooky algorithm’s matched me with a video of two men talking about friendships. It described how in this modern world of social media and phone use, true connection is hard to find and that men in particular are especially prone to feeling a loss of brotherhood – a drought in social connections, if you will.

I’ve felt this myself over the past couple of years. Like many others, I’ve experienced the natural ebb and flow of friendships, with relationships shifting and sometimes fading as life changes. It’s normal, of course, but if I get to dwelling on it, it can sting to lose that closeness.

The video sparked one of those “my phone is listening to me” moments we’re all familiar with, but the message stayed with me. As I reflected on it, more signs and statistics on men’s mental health began showing up:

“75% of deaths by suicide are men.”
“32% of men offered talking therapies by the NHS will not complete the sessions.”
“Men are less likely to seek out mental health help.”

These statistics point to a disturbing trend: men are less likely to seek support and more likely to suffer in silence. Studies show that many men view traditional "talk therapy" as uncomfortable, often because of societal expectations around masculinity. This stigma creates a barrier to seeking help, despite the availability of various mental health resources for men.

Rebuilding Social Connections

Research shows that men often view verbal introspection – or talking about feelings – as uncomfortable. This may explain why many men prefer to work through their issues in group settings, where there’s a shared experience of connection. It’s particularly important in today’s world, where social bonds are weakening, and many men feel increasingly isolated.

As a counsellor, however, I often worry that discussions about men in therapy fall into familiar traps, particularly the concept of “toxic masculinity.” While it’s important to address harmful behaviors and expectations, there’s a risk that the conversation around men in therapy feeds into outdated stereotypes. Dr. Dwight Turner notes in the BACP that the traditional model of masculinity is no longer working for men. Rather than framing therapy through the lens of what’s wrong with masculinity, it might be more helpful to focus on what men need to feel understood and supported.

Finding the Right Therapist: A Tailored Approach for Men

Finding the right therapist is crucial to overcoming the discomfort many men feel about therapy. It’s not about forcing emotional conversations but about tailoring the therapeutic process to meet the individual’s needs. In my practice, I adjust my approach based on the client. For example, one male client initially avoided emotional discussions, so we focused on goal-oriented solutions. Over time, as trust developed, those deeper conversations began to unfold naturally.

This aligns with research by Georgia Philip and colleagues at the University of East Anglia, which challenges the myth that men don’t talk. When the therapeutic space feels safe, men are just as willing to engage in meaningful conversations as anyone else.

Conclusion: Checking In and Staying Connected

To all the men reading this: seeking help doesn’t have to be daunting. Therapy, whether group or one-on-one, can help rebuild the connections many of us feel we’ve lost. If the first try doesn’t work, keep going—there’s no shame in reaching out. Let’s continue checking in on ourselves and each other because seeking help is a sign of strength, not weakness.